I am someone who has traveled alone for most of my adult life now. Whether this is domestically or internationally, I have never asked and or do I hardly share until I am taking a picture in a remote Island and people are questioning, what the fuck. I have reached a point in my travel journey that I prefer the solitude and freedom to make the decisions about what I want to do and where I want to do them. I relish in solo travel. You can’t exactly do that when you are traveling with other individuals and you all have different ideas about what is worth doing or seeing. This has become a part of my identity and I always encourage friends, family, and strangers to step outside their comfort zone and take a trip, even if it’s just a weekend on your own.
What I have discovered through personal relationships and merely simple conversations is that most people loath the idea of being alone. It’s uncomfortable, boring, awkward, embarrassing, and lonely. Yes of course it’s all those things and more, (after having to experience them myself,) you realize that 10 minutes after going through these world-wind of emotions, you have to get over yourself and move on. And then all of a sudden something magical happens where you just do, and your brain listens to your mouth, and those feelings disappear. Your confidence gets louder, your presence gets brighter, and your mission becomes clear.
As I’ve spoken to different travelers on my journeys’ I find that men have very different experiences than I have seemed to have. Is this a coincidence? It took me years to finally come up with this conclusion, why did it take me this long? I somehow thought travel was a place where it doesn’t discriminate, women and men were equal, and all of this other bullshit we deal with on a regular basis doesn’t apply in the travelling world. WRONG. Although it seems as though I am steering you away from solo travel, I promise I’m not, I will get to my point soon. I will paint a beautiful picture about how great these experiences are and how worth it they will be, but not without mentioning some of the things I have had to give up as being a solo female traveler. Every trip, every encounter, and every experience far surpasses what I am about to say, but… this isn’t Vegas, and it does help to have a set of balls in this case. They may be petty, they may be superficial to some, but they are very real in my life, and I can’t imagine other fellow female travelers haven’t struggled with these at some point. Although these won’t apply to EVERY woman, they will apply to most.
Confidence: Whether you speak the same language or not, you can still smell it from a mile away. If you didn’t have it in the states, you sure as hell are going to need it now. Whether you’re at a local market or a popular tourist spot you always need to look like you’re in control of your surroundings. You need to be aware of the people and environment around you ALL THE TIME. Whether it’s a smile, an assertive walk, or casual conversation, you are to own it from the moment you get there until you are back in your room. Our delicacy can be used against us, anywhere really, but in a place with language barriers and different cultures you can’t afford to look scared or lost. There will always be kind people who are willing to help you, but this is something that as a woman, you will always need to be aware of.
Going out and drinking: Boy have I missed out on some stellar Full Moon Parties and clubs. This is probably one of the things I wish I could do. I’m not saying you can’t do it, I’m sure there are female solo travelers who partake in these regularly. What I’m saying is that it’s very hard to drink with strangers, drink comfortably, and partake in drunken activities in places where there are many other drunk people. Casually going out for some drinks becomes a little more difficult when you’re alone. The rules at home still apply to the rules in another place x2. I have only experienced drinking in the comfort of my own room or the bar in my hotel. Believe me I have gotten drunk like this with no qualms and its great, but meeting people while intoxicated doesn’t feel as appealing when you’re in a place with no familiarity. Being safe should always be at the forefront of your mind.
Random hook ups: Once again, all of these are not off limits, just not realistic to do as a female alone. Movies like Hostel and Taken didn’t really put me off from travelling alone, but these are the ones most people bring up when they hear I travel alone. Its movies like, Berlin Syndrome, which really got me thinking twice about having romantic rendezvous in another country. Why? Because I think most women and men have thought about having a whirlwind adventure romance with someone they just met while travelling or maybe just a one-night stand? You hear about it, just thinking about it now brings a smile to my face, but the reality of it is you never know who this person might be. Going back to their place, drinking from their drinks, letting your guard down, are not things we can afford to do when environment is not on our side. Not that I even partake in an occasional hook up at home, but every person should have the freedom to do that if they wanted to and it’s just not as lucrative when you’re traveling alone.
Oversharing: This doesn’t actually feel as taxing and hard if what you’re oversharing is a detailed account of a completely fake life other than your own. This is the time that you can be whoever the fuck you want. I’ve actually done this many times, and it’s easier to do than you would think. I very much appreciate it when I’m trying to escape reality. What you should not do, is tell anyone you’re alone, where you’re staying, that you weigh 90 lbs, and that you don’t believe in violence. We rarely think that the questions that strangers are asking could be ways of understanding what your current situation is. So don’t be stupid and always make it seem like someone constantly has tabs on you, and if you we were gone for longer than an hour that they would have the embassy and local police looking for us within minutes.
Be whoever you want to be when you’re living a different life, even for a short time. Spread your wings, your legs, or your hunger for experience, but always be in control of it.